Bergen County supports LGBT youth through schools, programs

By JODI WEINBERGER

BERGEN COUNTY – At a recent after school club meeting at Paramus High School, students sat cross-legged on top of desks, talking about typical teen issues like the prom and relationships and  cracking jokes. But the din of chatter came to a dead silence when they were asked:  “Do your parents know you’re here?”

Co-President Katie Mihalarogiannis, 18, suggested club members tell their own individual story of their parents’ reaction to their participation in this teen club.

In the best scenarios, one parent, usually the mother, knew of the meetings and would show interest, occasionally asking questions. Other teens said their parents immediately questioned them about their sexual orientation;  a few others said they simply did not tell their parents for fear they wouldn’t be accepting. One 18-year-old said his parents would, “get him out as fast as possible and force him to go to church.”

The name of this club? Gay Straight Alliance.

WHAT IS IT?

The Gay Straight Alliance (GSA) is a student-run club that works to improve the environment for all students regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. GSAs are made up of straight students as well as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) students.

The first GSA was formed in 1988 when a straight student wanted to educate her classmates about anti-LGBT bullying and harassment.

The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) report that as of 2008, 4,000 gay-straight alliances (GSAs) were registered with the organization nationwide.

In a telephone survey of public high schools in Bergen County conducted by The Ramapo Record, 10 responded having  GSAs, 18 did not and 16 were either unsure or could not be reached. Some of the towns that did have GSAs  included  Allendale, Fairlawn, Paramus, Ridgewood, Teaneck and Westwood.

“You go through high school reading Walt Whitman and never know he’s gay or you read about people in history and don’t know that they’re gay. You’re also not learning about queer safer sex issues. Just because you’re a lesbian doesn’t mean you can’t get STDs,” said Penna. “When you’re not teaching that stuff, you’re also not addressing hate crimes and why it’s wrong to hate.”

Recent statistics show that there is a clear need for GSAs. The GLSEN 2007 National School climate survey found that 9 out of 10 LGBT students reported harassment at school in the last year and about 30 percent of teens interviewed said they missed either a class or a day at school because they felt unsafe.

The same survey also reported that students in schools with GSAs heard fewer homophobic remarks, experienced less harassment and were less likely to feel unsafe because of their sexual orientation. They were also less likely to miss school because of safety concerns, and reported a greater sense of belonging to their school community.

VIDEO: Watch interview with Laura Penna.

FINDING SUPPORT NEAR HOME

In recent years, support for Bergen County’s LGBT youth has grown stronger.  For example, in addition to GSAs, New Milford has a group called, Alternative Teen Living, Rutherford High School has a group called, End Racism and Sexism Everywhere (ERASE), and the Paramus Public Library has a book club that chooses books with LGBT topics.

The Queer Café Coalition (QCC), a group formed in early 2007  to create a safe space for LGBT youth in Bergen County, helped one teen cope with coming out.

Sixteen-year-old Derek Fearon of Tenafly said he transferred schools twice in elementary school, once in third grade and once in sixth grade because of harassment and bullying.  He then transferred to the  Saddle River Day School, which did not have a GSA, and later decided to go to Knox School, a boarding school in Long Island, which did.

“I remember coming home from school each day and being thankful and I remember waking up every day and hating that I had to go back,” he said. “It dampens what should have been an enriching learning experience and turns it into torture.”

Fearon did have some support,  however.  On Oct. 13, he told his parents he was gay.

“I was very frightened,” he said. “But they proved me wrong and showed me they were fine with everything.”

A little more than 10 days later, his parents got him to the Rainbow Pumpkin Dance, an annual event hosted by the QCC.

For Fearon, who says that he was one of only two gay teens at his school, this was a welcome change.

“I have the privilege to be out and accepted by all my friends and I shouldn’t just sit back and bask in that pleasure,” he said. “I want to be able to share the acceptance and tolerance that I’ve been shown and reflect it onto other people.”

In New Milford, despite the absence of a GSA at the high school, there is a group called, Alternative Teen Living of New Milford, where 19-year old Jeffrey Jimenez is the secretary. The group, which consists right now of about 8 members, offers counseling, seminars and group activities. Like the rest of the clubs catering to the LGBT community, member confidentiality is taken very seriously.

“If a member asks we can keep it confidential,” said Jimenez. “Some [members] make excuses and tell their parents ‘I’m hanging out with a friend today’.”

The group meets a couple times a month and offers its members counseling, seminars on LGBT topics as well as activity nights.

At Ramapo High School senior Eric Thor, 17, feels the absence of a GSA.

“In my school I’m kind of reserved and I don’t really have myself fully open, but being in a group of people who are also LGBT is really a relief and it’s nice to be with people who don’t care about your sexuality whatsoever,” said Thor. “It would be nice to have a GSA, but I don’t think it’s going to happen anytime soon.”

Thor cites “lack of interest” as the reason his school doesn’t have a GSA. However, Thor is active in the LGBT community, attending a march for gay marriage in Montclair hosted by Garden State Equality, and looking forward to being a part of the GSA at Rutgers University where he will go next year.

“I don’t have many gay friends that I can relate to about gay relationship issues and stuff like that, it will be nice to be in college and to be around more people that are like me instead of people who are close minded or don’t know what I’m going through,” said Thor.

GETTING EDUCATED

Back at Paramus High School, the GSA allows its 10 to 15 members ranging from freshman to seniors a safe place to discuss issues they might normally keep hidden.

“Being here with people that share the same beliefs, it’s easier to be who you are,” said Marissa Kapoor, another co-president of the Paramus High School GSA.

Penna says that a lot of times, if there is support for LGBT youth, it’s underground, which is why GSAs that are prominent in highs schools are so important.

“It’s so easy to say, ‘where do all the Catholic kinds hang out? In Sunday school.’ But where do all the gays hang out? I knew I was gay at six, but I didn’t know of any place I could safely hang out until college,” she said.

Recently, the Paramus High School club participated in Day of Silence, which is an event created by GLSEN to bring attention to anti-LGBT bullying and harassment. They also are part of Open Pages Book Talks, a book club that picks books that deal with LGBT issues, among many other issues teens have.

Founder of Open Pages, Becky Karpoff, says it is the only book club of that nature in Bergen County. Only three students attended the first meeting, but Karpoff, who is a librarian in training at the Paramus Public Library, has hopes the group will grow.

“My goal is to the get people into the library and know that we’re here and to know that we have more to offer than just books or movies, we’re here has a resource and as a support system,” said Karpoff.

The first book the group discussed was Absolute Brightness by James Lecesne, next month it will be Geography Club by Brent Hartinger, a book banned in a high school in Tacoma, Washington for questionable content.

For Penna, the goal of all these different kinds of support groups for LGBT youth is education.

“Prior to college I thought of the typical flamboyant, gay man and hippie, hairy lesbian,” she said. “But there is a spectrum of LGBT individuals. Educating people about that gets rid of ignorance, and it’s a lot harder to hate people when you know something about them.”

Tags: Bergen County, Gay Straight Alliances, gay youth, schools